At least he loves me

Things are still rough around here, but hopefully improving...? We had a pdoc appointment on Tuesday and his doctor upped his dosage of Lamictal by 100%, from 50 mg. to 100 mg. Today seemed a bit better finally. Calmer. Easier.

Apparently, his recent mania cycle was triggered by both the holidays and my starting a new job outside the home. Even though I assured him over and over again that nothing would change for him and I'd still be there for him after school, for therapy appointments, and he wouldn't even know I was not home when he was in school, it affected him... and threatened his security. In a huge way. I am working as a teacher's assistant at a Kindergarten preschool, and he's terribly upset that I am teaching "babies" and not sitting here (at home) waiting for him. No amount of reasoning or explaining or reassurance could get him to understand that I am not forsaking him. Hopefully, in time, he'll get more comfortable. This particular job was one I chose BECAUSE it allowed me to be there for him outside of school hours. He's tried several times to sabotage me, and make me late for work so I'll "get fired". Sigh.

Hoping he'll begin to see that it's all going to be OK and no one is abandoning him. And hoping tomorrow is an even better day. Right now, I'm feeling like I'm giving all I can give and going in 10 different directions with PTA Board volunteer stuff, work, motherhood, special needs, therapy appointments, Christmas preparation, and being a wife. Poor husband gets the crummy end of the stick most of the time, so that's why he's last on that list. Thank God we had a night out, sans kid, on my birthday Tuesday. It was Heaven, and it's been ages since we had a night out alone with other adults for company. But boy did we ever pay the piper later that night with a big, ole meltdown rage when we brought him home from the babysitter. A craptastic end to a great night. But nothing we hadn't expected might happen. It's how we live our life now. We play, we pay. That's why we don't play much these days. Thank God me and hubby are a united front most of the time, and we already had many years together, before Dallas, to play. :-)

He's still doing great in school, if a little bit too chatty and distracted at times. No rages, no meltdowns and good grades. When I asked him how is it that he can control himself at school, and not call his teacher ugly names like "stupid" or disobey her rules, he had an answer for me rather quickly. He said, "Mom, I don't love my teacher, I only like her. I love you."

And that my friends, is how his mind works. At least he loves me.